Live by the 24 Hour Rule

UVU just had the faculty and staff Summer University. It's an opportunity for employees to get training and learn other things about the school from keynote speakers and other workshops.
This years theme was "UVU It's our brand". They had it that because as you might know the school will become a university on July 1st.

I digress, Yesterday was the final day where the 4 major areas of the school had a big keynote speaker that they were required to go to. Not a big deal it's an opportunity for me to get out of my hole.

The woman who came talked about Conflict Resolution in the work place and even in our personal lives.

She has broken down people into 6 different styles on how they deal with conflict. Now she wanted to point out that you are not just one all the time you can be one at work and a different one at church and another one at home. she also states that you cannot force another person to change their conflict style, but you can influence them for good and change your style when needed.

the 6 styles were:

1. Demand
2. Convince
   
3. Negotiate
   
4. Team work
   
5. Support
   
6. Avoid

There is however not one right style all have their good and bad traits. She says that the best approach is to be skilled at all the styles and use the appropriate style at the appropriate time.

Just a little info about the styles

Demander mentality: I, We, You. They care more about themselves then you. They use physical or emotional force to get their way. They are good talkers and like others to obey them. It's my way or the highway. they can easily hold there ground.

Convincer mentality: I, We, You. They attempt to persuade someone to accept there point of view. They are smooth talkers, charming and charismatic. Usually likable and have good leadership skills. They love to debate and tend to exaggerate.

Negotiators mentality: We, I, You. They like to compromise and find the middle ground. They are fair, reasonable and good listeners and good talkers. Very social and love the process of meeting in the middle. They normally exaggerate their initial position.

Team workers: We, You, I. They like to collaborate and use creativity to make everyone satisfied. They are creative, considerate, good listeners and talkers. Usually focus on the positive. They are only completely happy if others are happy too.

Supporters Mentality: You, We, I. They Strengthen, encourage, and listen to others to empower them to solve problems. They are excellent listeners. Good at reading peoples non-verbal cues as well as their verbal cues. They are considerate and compassionate with others. They think a lot and talk a little.

Avoiders Mentality: You, We, I. They ignore problems, giving in, procrastinating, or with draw. They are pensive. Thoughtful, and good listeners. Reads non-verbal cues and uses non verbal communication to express themselves. Usually open up with one on one communication and are more quiet in large social settings. they take conflict personally. A mature avoider will transcend. this allows them to have a problem, avoid it, and then not fester about the problem.

Okay so now that i have explained all of that you need to understand something else.
When you approach a conflict you need to figure out which conflict style is more effective. You need to ask yourself one question. how important is the conflict to you? and rate it on a 1-10 scale.


0-3 (the "you" team) avoid and support

4-7 (the "we" team) negotiate and work together

8-10 (the "I" team) Demand/ Convince


so if you don't really care about some thing but the other person is passionate about it support the person and don't give them a hard time about the situation.

If you both have are passionate about it you need to negotiate and work together as a team to find a solution.

Does any of this make sense. but that is what her philosophy is in a nut shell.

But with in all of this she brought up a very important point the 24 hour rule.

If you are normally an avoider and like bring old conflicts or old emotions up 3 weeks later or months or heaven forbid years later. you need to learn to speak up and if you can not talk about the problem with in 24 hours do not bring it up ever ever again. If you did bring it up and the two parties came to a resolution you can not bring it up the conflict and your hurt feelings again ever ever ever (Can not stress that enough) because you came to a resolution. sorries were exchanged and you can not bring up the past and catch people off guard like that.

If you are a demander wait 24 hours or a few hours before you bring something up. Talking about it fresh on you mind does not help the situation and just makes the problem worse. This is pretty much self explaining i don't think i need to talk about it too much because if you are a demander you know who you are and you know what you need to do.

So this is my challenge to everyone. Live by the 24 hour rule. Talk about things and asses conflict situations and be the one in control by taking a step back and looking at the conflict styles that are fighting. If you don't care about it don't play devils advocate and make someone who is passionate even more mad. just figure it out on the scale and find a peaceful way to resolve to conflict.

easier said than done!

Loves,
Elizabeth, Patrick and Audrey.