Live by the 24 Hour Rule

UVU just had the faculty and staff Summer University. It's an opportunity for employees to get training and learn other things about the school from keynote speakers and other workshops.
This years theme was "UVU It's our brand". They had it that because as you might know the school will become a university on July 1st.

I digress, Yesterday was the final day where the 4 major areas of the school had a big keynote speaker that they were required to go to. Not a big deal it's an opportunity for me to get out of my hole.

The woman who came talked about Conflict Resolution in the work place and even in our personal lives.

She has broken down people into 6 different styles on how they deal with conflict. Now she wanted to point out that you are not just one all the time you can be one at work and a different one at church and another one at home. she also states that you cannot force another person to change their conflict style, but you can influence them for good and change your style when needed.

the 6 styles were:

1. Demand
2. Convince
   
3. Negotiate
   
4. Team work
   
5. Support
   
6. Avoid

There is however not one right style all have their good and bad traits. She says that the best approach is to be skilled at all the styles and use the appropriate style at the appropriate time.

Just a little info about the styles

Demander mentality: I, We, You. They care more about themselves then you. They use physical or emotional force to get their way. They are good talkers and like others to obey them. It's my way or the highway. they can easily hold there ground.

Convincer mentality: I, We, You. They attempt to persuade someone to accept there point of view. They are smooth talkers, charming and charismatic. Usually likable and have good leadership skills. They love to debate and tend to exaggerate.

Negotiators mentality: We, I, You. They like to compromise and find the middle ground. They are fair, reasonable and good listeners and good talkers. Very social and love the process of meeting in the middle. They normally exaggerate their initial position.

Team workers: We, You, I. They like to collaborate and use creativity to make everyone satisfied. They are creative, considerate, good listeners and talkers. Usually focus on the positive. They are only completely happy if others are happy too.

Supporters Mentality: You, We, I. They Strengthen, encourage, and listen to others to empower them to solve problems. They are excellent listeners. Good at reading peoples non-verbal cues as well as their verbal cues. They are considerate and compassionate with others. They think a lot and talk a little.

Avoiders Mentality: You, We, I. They ignore problems, giving in, procrastinating, or with draw. They are pensive. Thoughtful, and good listeners. Reads non-verbal cues and uses non verbal communication to express themselves. Usually open up with one on one communication and are more quiet in large social settings. they take conflict personally. A mature avoider will transcend. this allows them to have a problem, avoid it, and then not fester about the problem.

Okay so now that i have explained all of that you need to understand something else.
When you approach a conflict you need to figure out which conflict style is more effective. You need to ask yourself one question. how important is the conflict to you? and rate it on a 1-10 scale.


0-3 (the "you" team) avoid and support

4-7 (the "we" team) negotiate and work together

8-10 (the "I" team) Demand/ Convince


so if you don't really care about some thing but the other person is passionate about it support the person and don't give them a hard time about the situation.

If you both have are passionate about it you need to negotiate and work together as a team to find a solution.

Does any of this make sense. but that is what her philosophy is in a nut shell.

But with in all of this she brought up a very important point the 24 hour rule.

If you are normally an avoider and like bring old conflicts or old emotions up 3 weeks later or months or heaven forbid years later. you need to learn to speak up and if you can not talk about the problem with in 24 hours do not bring it up ever ever again. If you did bring it up and the two parties came to a resolution you can not bring it up the conflict and your hurt feelings again ever ever ever (Can not stress that enough) because you came to a resolution. sorries were exchanged and you can not bring up the past and catch people off guard like that.

If you are a demander wait 24 hours or a few hours before you bring something up. Talking about it fresh on you mind does not help the situation and just makes the problem worse. This is pretty much self explaining i don't think i need to talk about it too much because if you are a demander you know who you are and you know what you need to do.

So this is my challenge to everyone. Live by the 24 hour rule. Talk about things and asses conflict situations and be the one in control by taking a step back and looking at the conflict styles that are fighting. If you don't care about it don't play devils advocate and make someone who is passionate even more mad. just figure it out on the scale and find a peaceful way to resolve to conflict.

easier said than done!

Loves,
Elizabeth, Patrick and Audrey.

Family Prayer

I have the cutest story to tell you about in the midst of all the bad that has been happening.

And there has been a lot and a lot of bad. (I'm only talking about the sleeping habits, goodness don't freak out! You act as though something really is wrong. Am i missing something?)


Last night we had family prayer in the living room next to the couch. Patrick and I were kneeling and Audrey was sitting on the couch. I had leaned my arms and head on the couch to pray. When i was finished with the prayer Audrey immediately dropped her head to the couch crossed her arms and started baby talking. She said a few things and then lifted her head with the biggest grin on her face.

I know that this sounds funny but we think that Audrey said her first prayer. Obviously she doesn't really understand what a prayer is and was only mimicking what i was doing. (She does that a lot! Grandma Spencer gave Audrey a toy vacuum for christmas or her birthday. I'm not sure the gifts run together around that time of year for obvious reasons. and when every i pull out the vacuum she goes and finds her toy and starts to vacuum the room that i just finished. She also likes to find one of my brushes and brush her hair.)Anyway i detour from the subject at hand. But i believe that is a first step to understanding prayer.

Isn't that just the greatest face?

Anyway i just wanted to share Audrey's first awesome church moment with you. I hope more will follow.


Elizabeth :)

Bed time Update

So I would like to update you on the screaming situation.

Last night i decided to do the "bed time routine" an hour later than normal. (Plus we didn't leave my moms til after 8:30.) Anyway, We started the routine at 9. I gave her a bath. put her in some pj's. I brushed her teeth and put orajel on them. I let her sit and read a book. and then let her play around quietly for a little while. After that we had family prayer and then we put her to bed. When we picked her up to go to bed she started screaming and screaming. We weren't even in her bedroom yet. She screamed for about 2 minutes and then fell asleep. About an hour or so later she woke up again and we didn't go and get her and she fell back to sleep in about 5 minutes. over all it was a nice night. Both of us got to bed at a reasonable time. At least i did Patrick had two games to watch.

Love,

Elizabeth, Patrick and a finally well rested audrey.

Bed time

For the last few days audrey has refused to go to be in her crib. (Of course we end up making her do it anyway)

be here has been her sleep schedule the last few days.

Sunday night:
Went to bed a resonable time. but since katherine michelle and dan were over. audrey would not go to sleep and woke up. we gave her orajel and pain killer. So we decided to keep her up til they left. When they left she still didn't calm down and so we introduced her to Bunny town and she calmed down watching the bunny's dance to the "Bunnytown hop" on Playhouse Disney's website. eventually she was showing signs of sleep and we put her down. She started screaming and would not stop didn't stop for over 20 minutes. At which point we went on a drive and 5 mintues later she was out like a light.

Monday night:
We got home somewhat late because of grandma is in town and we want to spend as much time with her as possible. Audrey didn't really get into bed until like 10ish. She slept for a little while and then woke up. Assuming she woke up becasue of teething pain we got her out of bed gave her some orajel and pain killer and then let her calm down by reading some books. Once signs of sleep started again we put her down. She started screaming again and got so upset she threw up. Of course we had to clean her up with a bath. we then tried to put her down again and she started screaming the second she was in her room. since it was already after 12 we put her in bed with me and she fell asleep in about 10 minutes.

Tuesday night:
we left me moms pretty late because of grandma and decided that taking her on a drive immediately would be a good idea since she was already so worked up. (I had been sick all day in bed. We took her over to my moms for her to play and she would not let me leave. thinking that staying and laying on the couch was better than having a screaming child i stayed. Bad idea i still had to take care of her. I should have just gone home.) anyway, like i said since she was so worked up about me leaving her we decided that we wanted to take a drive before we went home. so we did. Eventually she fell asleep and we got her home and she slept in her bed. At about 4 she started to cry again. We ignored her and 10 minutes later she was out.

Last Night:
Reading on the internet that it's a good idea to have a long calm time before bedtime we decided to try it. We turned off the t.v at 8 and gave her a bath that took about 15 minutes. I then put her in her pajamas and brushed her teeth. I then proceeded to read her a bed time story. we then said prayers as a family to round out the time. this all was done by 8:45 and we put her down. She cried again for about 5 minutes and then went down. 2 hours later she woke up screaming. (not crying) assuming it was for her teeth i got her and did the orajel ritual. let her sit with me while we watched a calming show. a few minutes later she showed signs of sleep and we put her down and again she started to wail which eventually turned into thowing up. Having to go and get her we cleaned her up and put her in bed with me again. This was about 11:15. She layed down in the bed for about 10 minutes and then decided that it was time to play. I told her that if she stood up she would be going back into bed. she stood up and i put her down. Wailing started. 15 miutes later patrick went to go and get her and brought her into the bed with me. she layed down for about 10 minutes again and then decided to start to play. I decided that i had had it and we put her down. She then proceeded to cry for an hour. Yes and hour. not just a pitiful whine but a full on screaming standing up cry. every ten minutes or so patrick (Not me because i was so mad) would go in a lay her back down. like i said she cried for an hour. When she stopped it wasn't a dwindling off kind of cry she stopped in mid scream. not kidding. I was afraid that her little heart had finally exploded. not wanting to wake her up just in case she was alive we waited 15 minutes and then went in to check. Sure enough she was still breathing out as thought she had just run the new york city marathon.

We are so mad. we love her but we are not big fans. for the past 4 nights we have not gotten into bed until after 1. we are not happy.

Today I called the nurse at the doctors office hoping to get some advise. I told her what was happening and she then asked what the age was, 3? i told her no 16 months and she said wow starting early. She proceeded to explain that if we didn't nip this in the butt ASAP Audrey would learn that tossing her cookies will cause mom and dad to pick her up and then she will be doing it all the time on purpose. she suggested that you go in and give them a sip of water and then leave. she said the the tears and saliva end up pooling in the stomach during a crying spurt which then causes the little one to couch and since they have a quick gag reflex they throw up. At this age it is uncontrollable it just happens but she will learn to do it on her own.

So now i have a anorexic terrified of her bedroom baby. (Not cool!)

Love,
Elizabeth, Patrick and not cool!